Thursday, August 18, 2011

(MOVIE REVIEW) The only important loss from Final Destination 5 is the loss of brain cells from watching this failed attempt at a horror movie

The first Final Destination movie was awesome. Why? Because it was a new concept. A new idea. It sold the audience on an absolutely terrifying premise that kept people engaged from the first frame to the last. The idea that death is not only an entity (not the Grim Reaper, but actual DEATH), but it is petty and doesn’t like when someone causes it to make a mistake at work. I never imagined that before. I always thought of “death” as a skeletal figure in a black cloak with a scythe that ushered people to the afterlife (or maybe as a tuxedoed Brad Pit in Meet Joe Black), but never as an accountant. Someone that is constantly crunching the numbers and when the numbers do not make sense…they correct it.
As this series limped along it got worse and worse. The second movie was “meh”, but every movie after that has been a retelling of the original with a new group of people and deviating away from the “trill” aspect while now only celebrating the gore. It’s not hard to understand why I consider this the worst franchise EVER. This movie is a perfect example of why I feel that way.
Final Destination 5 follows yet another group of people that are trying to cheat death. When a company sends its employees on a team building retreat one of the passengers gets a glimpse of the horrific events that are soon to happen. When he (I won’t even say the names of the cast or the actors playing them) warns the passengers that something bad is soon to happen a small group get off the bus. As the foreseen events unfold, and those lucky survivors escape, they quickly realize that they might not be as lucky as they though. When members of their group start dying one by one they realize that death has come to collect.
I can’t stress this enough. DO NOT PAY TO SEE THIS. It is so stupid. So uninspired. I have never seen a cast that could overact and underact at the same time, but this group of “actors” (people you will NEVER see star in anything worth watching) manages to do that. The death scenes are so unbelievable. I laughed at this movie during every scene. *SPOILER* In one scene a gymnast falls to her death from a whopping ten feet in the air and somehow manages to break almost every bone in her body. Broken neck? Sure, I can see that. But this looked like an invisible semi-truck hit her while she was in midair. Lastly, you know you have a weak movie when you put 10 minutes of 3D credits at the front of the movie. If you can’t fill an hour and half of screen time, DON’T MAKE THE MOVIE.
Worth the admission? NO. NOPE. NEVER.

Note: The only “ok” thing about this movie is the reveal of where it is placed in the series. I picked up on the timeline by the cellphones used.

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