(Movie Review) How Do You Know

To continue with the love of Rudd, I will post this review of How Do You Know. Even though it has some of my least favorite actors in it. An overrated Nicholson and an always worthless Witherspoon make this movie as likable a Tabasco coated scope during a colonoscopy. To make matters worse, you add in Owen Wilson. How believable can you be, as a comedian, once you publicly fail at suicide. Really? At least Rudd is there. Good ole Rudd.

Plot:  Star softball player, Lisa (Witherspoon), has just been cut from the national team; Scholarly business man, George (Rudd), has just been indicted from his father's company. With everything that they know in their lives taken from them, Lisa and George attempt to find romance. Lisa's potential boyfriend, Matty (Wilson), however, is as clueless and perpetually single as they come, and George's girlfriend just dumped him. A chance hook-up through mutual friends, Lisa and George may be able to form a friendship, or more, that can help them climb out of the piles of lemons that life has handed to them. provided by IMDB.

Thoughts? Ugh. I feel like an old man bitching about his soup being too hot at a restaurant. I don't like to complain, but I'm so good at it that I feel like I have to do it. This movie is POINTLESS. I am no fan of Witherspoon. She has only turned in one solid performance in the past that I LOVED. Other than that, she is as overrated at the come. Between her, Owen Wilson's crooked nose, and Jack Nicholson sucking the life out of this movie, it is hard for me to say much about it that is positive. I will got back to the well and say that Rudd, as always, delivers a very likable character that is easy to relate to and funny. That is as positive as I can be with this review. Don't watch it unless you want to see Wilson fail at acting.

(Movie Review) Legion

Remember a time when Paul Bettany and Dennis Quaid made movies that didn't suck? It really wasn't that long ago. 2001 Bettany turned in a wonderful performance in A Beautiful Mind. Hell, even as Silas in The Da Vinci Code (2006). Quaid is even a more impressive case. Movies like Enemy Mine, Frequency, The Day After Tomorrow and The Rookie are barely scratching the surface of the actors 40 year career. So, why would they both put their names on something as pointless and silly as Legion? My guess is for the same reason Bettany did Priest...the paycheck.

Plot: An out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity's only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the Archangel Michael (Bettany).

Thoughts? The movie is not the worst thing that either Bettany or Quaid have been in. Priest is way worse than this. It's a silly movie. There is no real heart to it. The angel fights are trash, the special effects are not that special, and the only thing that it somehow does well is makes Bettany a believable bad ass. If you see it on TV one day, maaaaaybe check it out. I wouldn't pay to see it, not even from Red Box.

(MOVIE REVIEW) Our Idiot Brother

Paul Rudd. I could end this review right now and you would leave it with a smile on your face...cause that is how awesome Rudd is. Some people tell me I remind them of Rudd, but I assure them that I am far more awesome. Regardless, you cannot deny that Paul has a quality about him that sneaks up on movie goers. He tends to be in some amazing movies and usually stands out in those movies from the rest of the cast. Our Idiot Brother is no exception to this rule.

Plot: Ned (Rudd) lived a happy life growing organic vegetables on a farm with his hippie girlfriend and his dog named Willie Nelson, but an unadvised incident with marijuana at a farmer's market lands him in jail. When he gets out of jail, he is off to live with his sisters. While Ned is still happy, his sisters are much less so after he manages to screw up one marriage, one job opportunity, one budding relationship and one domestic partnership. He sees those problems as breakdowns in communication, but his sisters see him as an idiot.


Thoughts? This movie was awesome. You think that it is going to be some lighthearted stoner comedy but this movie has heart. Lots of it. Rudd plays this role perfectly and, in the blink of an eye, shows that his character doesn't let things roll off of his back like he appears to do. Pick this movie up when you have a chance to do so. You will enjoy it.

This week’s review is a RANT about New Year’s Eve. No witty comments, nothing nice, just ripping it to pieces. You have been warned.

One of the best feelings in the world is when you sit down to a movie, enjoy what it offers, and walk away with a great love and respect for the actors in that film. When you curl up in bed with a little smile on your face because something in the movie pops in your head and it made you flash back to a scene that you really liked. That is the best to me. So, in contrast, the worst is when a movie and the actors in it make you experience the exact opposite. Now, take 20+ actors from 20+ movies that fit that description and combine them together. What you end up with is a horrible film that will not only make you regret seeing it in the first place, but also regret that you don’t have the guts to attempt an at home lobotomy to help you forget it all together.

Plot: The lives of several New York couples intersect over the events of New Year’s Eve.

Notice how I did not go into as much of an elaborate story set up as I usually do? Know why? Because there is really no story. At least not a good one. There are about twelve bad stories, but not one good one. That is the main problems with movies like this. You have numerous stories that, if they are told alone, can be told in just a few minutes. So you can’t describe anything about them without giving away the whole story. Not only that, but you can’t tell about the overall film because there is too much going on to keep the review under three pages long.

In the end, this movie is a train wreck. The ideal coupling for a believable love story is Katherine Heigl and Jon Bon Jovi? REALLY!? I could really enjoy that image along with a sardine and banana sandwich while I’m swimming in an electrically heated pair of swimming trunks. See how some things just do not go together?

Worth the admission? NEVER. There is a reason that it is sinking in the box office. Katherine Heigl is not likeable, Aston Kutcher’s attempt at facial hair makes you hate him and feel sorry for him all at the same time, Sarah Jessica Parker has a serious case of “horse face”, and Zac Efron can’t act. Robert De Niro should have his SAG card revoked for showing his face in this waste of time. Lastly, the “stars” of this movie are either “has been” actors or actors that are so irrelevant that they don’t even matter (please see Michele Pheiffer for this example).  At the end of the day, a well fed rabbit can produce droppings that are more entertaining than this movie.

If you feel the need to subject yourself to the punishment of seeing this movie, let me know what you thought.

My Christmas gift to you is to recommend A Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987) for your Holiday viewing pleasure

Little things take us back. That is heightened during the Holiday’s, as we normally have more and more family memories that are built around the many gatherings. One thing that always takes me back to my childhood is an unlikely Christmas icon for me…that, of course, is The California Raisins. Not because they are basically dried up old grapes, and those old dried nasty pieces of fruit remind me of every fruit cake ever made, but because they sang the single greatest rendition of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer that has ever graced this tiny blue spinning marble that we call Earth.

Plot: Rex and Herb, two claymation dinosaurs, take the viewers on a tour of the festive offerings in and around a town during the Christmas Holidays. While playing host to the viewers we are given a look into the worlds of bells that play themselves for audiences, an argument to decide if the correct term is “to go wassailing” or “to go waffling” ,some amazing music and a lot of wholesome family entertainment. This is something that many will remember (once they see it) and that many of us have never been able to forget.

As an homage to many network offerings of parades, Christmas programming and choral offerings, Will Vinton brought to life a fictional town with this claymation (stop motion technology with characters made from clay) film. This is from a time when special effects were hard to come by for network television. If it was done at all, it usually looked so bad that you couldn’t take it seriously. Techniques like claymation were, by some viewers, considered to be part of that “bad” effect period. The truth is, claymation is a painstakingly time consuming art form that takes MUCH longer to produce than traditional special effect. From that standpoint alone I believe that this movie deserves our attention.

On a more personal note, this is the only Holiday movie I really remember from that early time in my childhood. I was 5 years old and I remember sitting in front of the television to watch this program. The California Raisins singing Rudolph is still my favorite rendition of the song ever (even if it wasn’t really magical raisins doing the singing). It also makes me realize that while many movies offer a lot, by way of flash and glitz, this movie as stuck out (in my mind) as one of the more innovative and wholesome Holiday offerings of the past 25 years. You can download it, one part at a time, on youtube. You can also find it online to purchase (although the price is pretty steep). I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, a safe and Happy New Year, and that your Holiday festivities are fun and memorable….like this movie.

If you do find a copy, let me know what you think of it.

(DVD REVIEW) BAD TEACHER

Remember that magical time when you were in grade school? That time in your life when your biggest problem was if you got a pimple before picture day or, for guys, got the occasional inconvenient erection in class? Those were the BIG problems! The one thing that I was never blessed with, while in grade school, was an insanely HOT teacher (well, actually I had one in Rosedale Kindergarten, but I will not name names). So, while this movie may not represent exactly what most of us experienced as children....it does represent the type of woman most of the boys dreamed would teach them social studies.

Plot: Elizabeth (Diaz) is at her last day of teaching. She is off to live the dream of every gold digger and marry an extremely wealthy man. The only problem is that the last day of school, right after she quits, her fiances mother drops the bomb that she is not "fit" to marry her son and that the wedding is off....and Elizabeth is cut off. Fast forward to the next school year and Elizabeth is back in class. But when a new wealthy teacher enters the scene (Timberlake) she must battle rival teacher, Amy (Punch), for his affection. All the while, Elizabeth strikes up a great friendship with the gym teacher (Segel). Will she find true love with the rich young teacher or with the working stiff gym teacher?

Thoughts? This movie didn't set the world on fire. Justin Timberlake is funny in it, Segel kills as always, and Diaz was somewhat likable and attractive (in a dirty disgusting sort of way). The jokes land but a lot of it was just giggles, no big laughs. I say check it out if you can download it. Maybe if redbox or Blockbuster Express is low on other movies. Other than that, wait for it to hit TV.

HUGO shows us that great effects, loveable characters and great acting CAN coexist in the same film

I’m not a slow witted man. Really. I’m much brighter than I appear to be. I usually pick out a good movie from previews alone. It’s almost always in the subtext of a preview. The parts that are not being said/ shown. If you can find that, you can usually piece together a movie’s overall plot before the first film cell ever passes in front of the projector light. So, when I saw a preview for HUGO I figured that it would be a great kid’s movie that the film company wanted to release the same weekend as Twilight to pick up the younger audiences. My  wife, being the wise soul that she is, said “HUGO looks good. We should check it out”.  I’m glad she did, because this movie has so much more to offer than just a “kid’s film”. Maybe I am slow witted.

Plot: Hugo (Butterfield) is a boy that lives in a hapless world. He lives along in a train station and his job is to keep the clocks running. Well, actually it is his uncle’s job, but he has not seen his uncle in weeks. Poor and hungry, Hugo steals most of the things that he needs from the shops located at the train station. One day, while trying to steal a toy windup mouse, he is caught by the shop keeper (Kingsley). It is revealed that he was only looking for spare parts to finish an automaton that was left to him by his father. Clues begin to show that a there is a connection between the Hugo, the automaton and the shopkeeper. The story that connects those clues is a tale of magic, love and enchantment.

Sometimes a movie gets lost in its need to prove how deep it is. The refreshing thing about this movie is that it is simple and deep all at the same time. There is some wonderful acting in this film. Ben Kingsley is amazing, as always, and shows why he is one of the more respected actors in the industry today.

Worth the admission? Absolutely! Hugo is exactly what I needed to see this week. The effects are amazing, the acting is top notch, and Martin Scorsese, a man known more for producing/directing dramas, really adds some emotion to the scenes with the way he shoots the film. Overall, I can’t think of a better movie to watch going into Holiday/Christmas Season. Except for Elf……and maybe Christmas Vacation.

What Christmas films are a staple in your yearly viewings?